THE PRICE WAS RIGHT...AND NOW IT'S WRONG

I'm on February Vacation this week and I just watched a full hour of Drew Carey's Price is Right.  Before today,  I hadn't watched The Price is Right since Bob Barker was selling condoms to poodles.  Games like Plinko, Hole in One, yodelling mountain climbers (Cliff Hanger), Dice Game and more were beyond exciting.  Barker was smoother than a toilet seat, Rod Roddy was off his rocker, and it was a party-without fail, everyday.  But things have changed.  Barker and his beauties are history, Rod passed away, and so did the magic.  Here are a few thoughts on the downfall of The P.I.R.

1. Drew Carey:  Drew's not Bob.  Drew grew his hair out and he even has a soul patch.  Identity Crisis?  He fumbles over his words "let's see what the preece...price is.  Preece/price I'll get it right, it's an hour long show..." and he even does the math wrong on the big wheel: "90 cents that's gonna be tough to beat!  What?  Oh 80 cents...that's not bad either.  I never was good at math!"  He comes off like he just wants the show to end so he can find another prostitute.  He went from a highly successful sitcom star to a daytime game show host.  He's hanging on for dear life.

2. The Games:  I've already pointed out the excitement and drama of the games from Price's heyday.  But it's getting ridiculous.  The first 4 games today lasted about 20 seconds each.  They either involve "squeezing" the price together by removing a digit, or putting together a combination of numbers.  They hardly involve instructions!  I'm watching what's going to happen next and all of a sudden the sad music starts playing.  Ba Ba Ba Bow BOWWWWW.  The girl looks around like "it's over??" and Drew gives an awkward hug and tells her to meet him at the wheel.  The Price is Right used to be a circus.  Why are they limiting our fun with these boring games? 

3. The Prizes:  Who does this research?  Nobody wants to win a European wooden spoon set.  And nobody wants the grand prize of going to tropical Pittsburgh.  And an 88 year old woman from Tampa doesn't want a pair of snowmobiles.

4.  The Audience:  I guess this happened with the old Price is Right too.  But have these people ever been to a store?  When the item up for bid appears they freak out every single time.  A very basic bicycle gets rolled out and these folks look around as if they've never seen a round wheel.  They panic, begging their peers for help:  "50 dollars?  6 thousand?  I don't know!  What IS this thing?? Help!"  And then more of the same during a boring pricing game: "Milk?  what does milk cost???  I had milk when I was a kid once but my Mom bought it!  Audience, for the love of God what does MILK cost??" 
And calm down, audience.  I know the producers tell you to get riled up, but have some dignity.  You run around like you're escaping a burning building with your homemade "Official Drew Crew P.S. It's My Birthday" t-shirts and you treat the host like he's a Beatle.  You're embarrassing yourselves-and that's BEFORE your 200 dollar bid on a bag of jelly beans.

5.  Can we eliminate the 1-dollar bid rule?  If you bid last, you're at a clear advantage.  The item doesn't cost one dollar and you know it.  If I was standing next to you and you bid a dollar after my solid bid, I'd push you.  You're a cheater.

Bob Barker must be sitting at home petting his testicle-free pit bulls shaking his head in disgust.  But if Jay Leno can stay on the air, Drew Carey can too.  Sadly, there's a huge audience in America for both of these fools.