Guess Who's Pregnant??!!

I have no idea who's pregnant.  I'm sure a lot of people are pregnant.  But in this case, I just wanted a blog title that got people's attention.  If I finish my 467 page research paper, I will post more frequently.  In the meantime, here are some random thoughts...

One of my first blog entries was about severely overrated famous people.  In this article, I referenced Randy Jackson.  I really gave him the business (not like that....).  I talked about how he offers no useful information to the contestants on Idol.  But I have to say, Randy is really bringing it this season.  Thoughtful comments, not afraid to be negative, and forming real, coherent sentences.  Way to step it up, dawg!

At the same time, Steven Tyler is a little disappointing.  And I love Steven Tyler and Aerosmith too.  But I'm a little sick of "that was beautiful.  That's all I can say.  Beautiful." Or...

Seacrest: "Let's hear what the judges had to say.  Steven?"
Tyler:  "Twiddle dee dee one two three!!! yikikikikiKOW!"
Seacrest: Great.  Jennifer?

But the ratings are high and the kids love Tyler.  So who am I to judge a judge?

Speaking of judges, has anyone ever watched Judge Judy?  Such a bitch.  She goes into every trial angry.  She should get a massage before she goes out there.  Why would anyone ever agree to settle their differences with this old bag?  I can't imagine the plaintiff and the defendant agreeing to fore go regular small-claims court, opting instead to get belittled on national TV by an elderly lady with a permanent stick up her wrinkled ass.  Sounds like a plan. 

I don't like pot luck dinners.  Pot luck contributors fall into one of two categories.  There's the show-off who tries to make something creative like a spicy buffalo egg salad, and there's the lazy pot-lucker who brings plastic spoons.  Why can't people just fall in the middle and bring a moist brownie or a flavorful meatball?  Hell, just stop at MacDonald's and bring a hundred chicken mcnuggets.  At least we know what we're getting...or do we??

I have to give Obama credit for mastering the no-look teleprompter thing.  He manages to read the screen and gaze around the room at the same time.  This is a necessary skill for a modern-day president and Barack is crushing it.  Bro-bama also did pretty well in his March Madness bracket.  Where does he find the time??  Glad he's focusing on the major issues.  Barack can pretty much predict who makes it into the sweet sixteen in the tournament but he can't snipe Gaddafi.  Terrific.

Speaking of the devil, Muammar Gaddafi changes the spelling of his name more than Puff Daddy P Diddy Dirty Money Sean Combs!  Gaddafi is almost un-google-able!  Well played, Muammar.  Well played.

On a serious note, I understand the need for intervention, but how many different places can our military occupy at once before we become significantly weakened as a whole?  Divide and conquer?  I hope we never find out...

Isn't there something hypocritical about recycling cigarette cartons?  "Save the environment but kill those around you" is what that says to me.

Having a lot of trouble getting stuck in conversations I don't want to be in lately.  I try to get out.  Sometimes I'll stare at my laptop intently, faking a deep thought as I open my mouth and wrinkle my eyebrows as the talker pleads for feedback.  If I'm standing, I'll do the whole arm-swinging-snap-clap thing as I slowly back pedal away from the talker.  I need to stop appearing so welcoming to others.  My mother traps me in her verbal web quite often.  75% of the time she has relevant thoughts.  Luckily, I know her well enough where I can call her out on the other 25 % and put a stop to her inane ramblings.  Incidentally, I'd be nothing without my mother and I love her endlessly.

Has anyone seen Minute to Win It?  Reality TV/Game shows have gotten to the point where they are giving out millions of dollars to people for stacking empty coke bottles on top of each other.  The craziest part?  The ratings are tremendous.  Seemingly normal people tune in to this show and get stressed out while watching from their own couch.  What a country.  Imagine the guy that pitched this show to NBC.  "Got an idea for a show.  All you need are some quarters, some empty bottles, a ping pong ball, some string, and Guy Fieri."  Genius.  Millionaire.

And lastly, Mike and Molly.  Congratulations, CBS.  You just made every disgruntled overweight person feel good about themselves.  I get the premise-you're both big, proud, you're in love, and you don't care what others think.  Let's celebrate who we are!  I tuned in for about 2 minutes the other day and sure enough, the curvy couple was in a grocery store making a joke about buying a lot of food............because they're big...get it???  Move over, Roseanne!  CBS President Les Moonves must be thinking "Who needs Charlie Sheen anyway?  We have Mike and Molly!"  Two and a Half Men has turned into Two and a Half Tons.  Good work, CBS. At least we still have Letterman.

Coming soon: more music for you to enjoy.