Guess Who's Pregnant??!!

I have no idea who's pregnant.  I'm sure a lot of people are pregnant.  But in this case, I just wanted a blog title that got people's attention.  If I finish my 467 page research paper, I will post more frequently.  In the meantime, here are some random thoughts...

One of my first blog entries was about severely overrated famous people.  In this article, I referenced Randy Jackson.  I really gave him the business (not like that....).  I talked about how he offers no useful information to the contestants on Idol.  But I have to say, Randy is really bringing it this season.  Thoughtful comments, not afraid to be negative, and forming real, coherent sentences.  Way to step it up, dawg!

At the same time, Steven Tyler is a little disappointing.  And I love Steven Tyler and Aerosmith too.  But I'm a little sick of "that was beautiful.  That's all I can say.  Beautiful." Or...

Seacrest: "Let's hear what the judges had to say.  Steven?"
Tyler:  "Twiddle dee dee one two three!!! yikikikikiKOW!"
Seacrest: Great.  Jennifer?

But the ratings are high and the kids love Tyler.  So who am I to judge a judge?

Speaking of judges, has anyone ever watched Judge Judy?  Such a bitch.  She goes into every trial angry.  She should get a massage before she goes out there.  Why would anyone ever agree to settle their differences with this old bag?  I can't imagine the plaintiff and the defendant agreeing to fore go regular small-claims court, opting instead to get belittled on national TV by an elderly lady with a permanent stick up her wrinkled ass.  Sounds like a plan. 

I don't like pot luck dinners.  Pot luck contributors fall into one of two categories.  There's the show-off who tries to make something creative like a spicy buffalo egg salad, and there's the lazy pot-lucker who brings plastic spoons.  Why can't people just fall in the middle and bring a moist brownie or a flavorful meatball?  Hell, just stop at MacDonald's and bring a hundred chicken mcnuggets.  At least we know what we're getting...or do we??

I have to give Obama credit for mastering the no-look teleprompter thing.  He manages to read the screen and gaze around the room at the same time.  This is a necessary skill for a modern-day president and Barack is crushing it.  Bro-bama also did pretty well in his March Madness bracket.  Where does he find the time??  Glad he's focusing on the major issues.  Barack can pretty much predict who makes it into the sweet sixteen in the tournament but he can't snipe Gaddafi.  Terrific.

Speaking of the devil, Muammar Gaddafi changes the spelling of his name more than Puff Daddy P Diddy Dirty Money Sean Combs!  Gaddafi is almost un-google-able!  Well played, Muammar.  Well played.

On a serious note, I understand the need for intervention, but how many different places can our military occupy at once before we become significantly weakened as a whole?  Divide and conquer?  I hope we never find out...

Isn't there something hypocritical about recycling cigarette cartons?  "Save the environment but kill those around you" is what that says to me.

Having a lot of trouble getting stuck in conversations I don't want to be in lately.  I try to get out.  Sometimes I'll stare at my laptop intently, faking a deep thought as I open my mouth and wrinkle my eyebrows as the talker pleads for feedback.  If I'm standing, I'll do the whole arm-swinging-snap-clap thing as I slowly back pedal away from the talker.  I need to stop appearing so welcoming to others.  My mother traps me in her verbal web quite often.  75% of the time she has relevant thoughts.  Luckily, I know her well enough where I can call her out on the other 25 % and put a stop to her inane ramblings.  Incidentally, I'd be nothing without my mother and I love her endlessly.

Has anyone seen Minute to Win It?  Reality TV/Game shows have gotten to the point where they are giving out millions of dollars to people for stacking empty coke bottles on top of each other.  The craziest part?  The ratings are tremendous.  Seemingly normal people tune in to this show and get stressed out while watching from their own couch.  What a country.  Imagine the guy that pitched this show to NBC.  "Got an idea for a show.  All you need are some quarters, some empty bottles, a ping pong ball, some string, and Guy Fieri."  Genius.  Millionaire.

And lastly, Mike and Molly.  Congratulations, CBS.  You just made every disgruntled overweight person feel good about themselves.  I get the premise-you're both big, proud, you're in love, and you don't care what others think.  Let's celebrate who we are!  I tuned in for about 2 minutes the other day and sure enough, the curvy couple was in a grocery store making a joke about buying a lot of food............because they're big...get it???  Move over, Roseanne!  CBS President Les Moonves must be thinking "Who needs Charlie Sheen anyway?  We have Mike and Molly!"  Two and a Half Men has turned into Two and a Half Tons.  Good work, CBS. At least we still have Letterman.

Coming soon: more music for you to enjoy.

A LITTLE LOVE FOR THE UNDERDOG...

I'm always amazed at the NCAA basketball tournament.  Every year when the big bracket comes out, there are at least 2 colleges that I've never heard of.  St. Martha's School for the Deaf, University of Phoenix, and several community colleges could make it into the big dance and it wouldn't surprise me anymore.  But the thing is, these little engines-that-could enamor me.  This is probably why I never win these pools (except for once).  I talk myself into picking a Holy Cross over a Kansas for example.  I've never picked an overall #1 seed to win the whole thing.  Oh Well.  I think it's more enjoyable to root for the historical upset then to simply witness what's always expected.  "Yesss!  Duke beat Rutgers!  I called it!"  Great call.  Good for you, Nostradamus!  I find that to be boring...I don't know.  I know it's about winning some cash so I understand picking favorites, and obviously I pick some favorites too.  But I always try to sprinkle in some underdog wins.  It's more fun that way.
In fact, I often support the underdog.  Unless it's a New England sports team (who, by the way, had always been considered perennial underdogs until the last decade-except for the Celtics), or The United States, I almost always back the "dog".  The underdog needs a voice.  They need someone in their corner.  They need someone to believe in them.
Some examples:
I think John Adams was underrated.  He served one term and George W. Bush served two.  Doesn't seem right.
Troy Brown is the most valuable wide receiver to come out of Marshall-not Randy Moss.
My favorite Disney character is Pluto...it's not even close.
I drank Pepsi for a long time just because Coke was a bigger company.
I picked Gonzaga to win the whole thing at least twice.  Never again, by the way.
Patriots over Rams= life changing experience for me.
I rooted for Elway's Broncos to beat the Packers in one Super Bowl, then I rooted for The Falcons to beat Elway's Broncos the very next year.
I drove a Jeep Wrangler for years.  I don't know if this fits, but it somehow seems appropriate.
Jordan and Joey got all the attention, but I was a Donnie fan. 
Aerosmith-better than The Stones.  No contest.
I rooted for Juno to win Best Picture.
If you put Carrabbas' food in some tiny cellar in the North End and called it "Guiseppe's Italiano" or something, Italian food connoisseurs would rave about it.
Brady WAS the prototype for the underdog.  And we know my feelings on #12.
I strongly oppose Brazil in the World Cup.
I'm happy for Micky Ward.
I try to enjoy all the "other" songs on the album-not just the ones on the radio.
I like Ft. Lauderdale more than Miami.
I hope Tiger Woods wins again, now that he sucks.
You get the point....

A few other exceptions:  I will NEVER root for the Montreal Canadiens, Cowboys, Yankees, Lakers, Lebron, or Peyton Manning (even though I respect his talent).  And I was in physical pain watching the Steelers and the Jets in the AFC Championship this year.

Enjoy March Madness and don't forget about the Dog!

CHARLIE BIEBER

I've been busy lately.  Sorry about the lack of blog material.  Or, you're welcome-depending on your feelings about the blog.  There have been some pretty large, in-your-face topics going on in America (Sheen, Bieber's hair) and the world (Egypt, Libya) in general lately.  I think my stance on these things as a newer blogger is that I won't have a stance.  There are plenty of people on the internet who are smarter and funnier than a piss ant like me so they can write about that stuff.  Alright fine-I'll share one thought on Sheen because I think about it every day now.  Can we please set something up that features Sheen and Bieber together?  We could call it Sheeber.  I mean, could anything currently top that??  The media coverage alone would be earth-shattering.  That's the closest we will every get to one mega-star named Charlie Bieber-a perfect haired, tiger-blooded winner with an angelic voice who sings and dances while snorting coke off of porn stars on a stage in front of thousands of children in a different city every night.  Mind blowing.  But since Charlie Bieber is not possible, can we at least get them in the same room for a few hours? 



A few more tiny thoughts:

Look at your keyboard.  Isn't it amazing how one little typing error could turn Lady Gaga into Lady Haha?  The G and the H...so close to each other.

I think households, hotels, basically anywhere that has a bathroom should think long and hard about where they place the toilet paper dispenser.  Here's a tip:  most people are right-handed.  Here's another tip:  we don't like to twist and turn on the seat to rip off the toilet paper.  I NEED you, toilet paper.  I'm at your mercy.  But don't make it so hard for me to achieve cleanliness.  And by the way-if you don't have at least 2-ply bathroom tissue at this point, it's time.

How come Dunkin Donuts rarely tells you the cost of your order at the drive thru speaker?  It leaves me no time to have exact change ready by the time I get to the window.  And speaking of coffee, don't use Splenda anymore.  Apparently it's not good for you.  All this time I thought I was making my coffee healthier but in reality I was probably just shaving days off of my life.

Good Night Everybody!