JEANS AREN'T JUST JEANS ANYMORE

I'm amazed at the things that consume my life.  I have a job.  I have a home.  I'm 30.  I have a woman.  I have a lot of adult-ish things that need to be done.  Yet here I am completely stressed out about the length of my jeans.  For a few years now, I have worn 34W 30L jeans and I always felt pretty right in those sizes.  But since about Christmas, the 30L isn't doing it.  My socks are constantly exposed and I feel like a damn fool.  Did I grow since the holidays?  I'm 30 years old so I doubt that's the case.  But something happened and it's taking over who I am.  Denim owns my soul!
So today I worked up the courage to convince myself to buy some big boy pants-a.k.a. 34W 32L!  YAY CHRIS!  I spent the majority of the short New England daylight in 2 Express for Men stores and 2 Banana Republics.  I find myself trying to act extra masculine and extra straight when I browse around in these stores.  Am I stereotyping? Yes, unfortunately.  But here's the thing:  I like gay people of all sorts.  And frankly, I wouldn't really care if other shoppers in these stores thought me gay either.  So now that I've established that, I really don't have a good reason why I try to appear non-gay in these stores.  In one of the stores, a small man briskly walked up to me with a scarf on and a telemarketer's headset and emphatically told me about the 2 for one jeans sale.  He asked me if I needed help and I said "nah...I'm good" like a linebacker.  I'm an idiot.
Anyhow, I tried on a few pairs of jeans and I finally pulled the trigger on Express's Kingston loose fit boot cut easy rise ball hug dark wash sand blast denim fade style.  Or, as I like to call them, the comfortable navy blue jeans that hid all of my socks.  I returned home at nightfall and I was tired.  I was completely worn out by an unproductive Saturday that only led to me buying pants that hide my socks.  I promise that future blogs will involve production and excitement.  I also hate ladies that drive and walk in malls without truly thinking about those around them.  Sometimes I wonder if I'm the asshole.  Maybe you can decide after you read more of my blogs.  Maybe you'll realize that, if you find yourself thinking some of the things that I think, we're both assholes.  Hopefully the people I write about are the assholes and you and me are smart, thoughtful, cool people who just finally found a nice medium to bitch about things that we don't like.